XO.

I don’t think you all understand, this relationship has been loading since the NINETIES! I always, always, always thought Justin was so handsome since we were both in the children’s choir together at church. Obviously at five and eight, who was going to be trying to slide in each other’s DMs, haha – but you all get the gist. I think I was about thirteenish and Justin was fifteenish when he tried to express interest in me, but the odds were not in our favor at that point either. I would see him all the time at battle of the bands during high school because he was Drum Major at his school and I was on the dance team at my school. I would still be like, “oooh, he is so fine.”

Anyway, do y’all remember when you would literally accept anyone’s friend request on Facebook (when Facebook was first really getting started like a decade ago)? Well I was just accepting requests like normal and then shortly after, I realized that someone wrote on my wall – and it was Justin saying, “Well, well, well, looks like little Joy has grown up.” Well, I kind of did because I was about to be a senior in high school. Long story short, we ended up dating for a few months and then became boyfriend and girlfriend around August 2010 and were in a relationship until 2012.

Things did happen, however, and we broke up for a few years and tried to date again… and then broke up and so on and this cycle happened until I graduated undergrad in 2015. I will say, that in my little heart, I knew that Justin was my man BUT I did need to catch my mind up to my heart and grow up A LOT before Justin and I decided to take our relationship to a more serious level.

When I moved back to Atlanta in 2015, it was as if all roads led me to Justin (not a plot twist at all). We ended up dating for about eight months and then Justin proposed to me on my birthday in 2016 (which I was not expecting at all)! From there, we got married in December 2016 – why wait? =)

I asked you all to send me some questions on anything marriage/relationship related and I respond to them as a special tribute to our being married two years. Below you’ll find five of the questions I chose and their answers – Happy Reading!

When did you make the transition to start being together from knowing each other?

So, it’s no military secret that Justin and I grew up together and have known each other for quite some time. We actually started “talking” when Justin found me on Facebook one day in 2010 (it was the end of my junior year of high school and Justin’s freshman year of college). He asked me on a date and then from there we started the “transition” to being together. The transition did take quite some time, because we were both growing and working on ourselves throughout the years. We ended up choosing to date seriously in 2015, after having an on again/off again relationship and then got engaged and married in 2016.

How do you handle disagreements?

I want to be completely transparent with you all as I respond to these questions so that you are aware that growth is a key component to the success of my relationship with Justin. We have been dating on and off since 2010 and with that being said, I was seventeen and Justin was nineteen – so there was a time when disagreements were frequent and the “handling” of them was not very mature. I did have a very hot head at a point in my life and would literally nag and fuss and fight with Justin (mostly myself because Justin wouldn’t really respond to my shenanigans). However, as we have gotten older and learned each other so much more, disagreements don’t tend to happen quite often.

I believe that we don’t have “arguments” because we truly respect each other’s boundaries, feelings and opinions. We are two completely different people striving to make two completely different outlooks on subjects as cohesive as possible. The major key to our success in not having “arguments” is simply recognizing that we are both human and choosing not to ignore our humanness. I think it’s super-duper important to strive to love your spouse (partner, friend, whoever) wholly enough to hear them thoroughly – you have to truly listen to understand and not listen to respond in ANY type of conversation.

So, to make a long story short, Justin and I maintain a positive environment, we strive to never, ever, ever go to sleep upset with each other, we have a great value and respect for each other’s opinions/feelings and we make sure to LISTEN to each other.

How do you all handle finances being married? Do you all have a shared bank account or separate accounts?

Justin and I chose to not join our accounts when we got married. We felt that in doing this, it would eliminate the “financial” arguments that a lot of couples have at the onset of their marriage. Unfortunately, I think that money does tend to cause a lot of strain on all types of relationships and in order to not allow money to be an issue between us, we felt that having our own checking/savings accounts would be the best choice for us. We do, however, have shared “goals” that we are working toward as a family that we work on individually and as a team. We do also budget together, ask each other before spending and determine if purchases are truly necessary or if they can wait.

What have you learned being married that is different from being single?

Y’all, being married is truly a commitment that is the most beautiful thing ever if shared with the right person. The biggest difference in being married versus being single is that you have to kind of “die” to yourself to make the marriage work. You have to learn that it’s not about YOU at all anymore, it’s about US – so there is a huge emphasis on finding a team mentality between you and your spouse. I do also want to share that no marriage can truly be successful without it being Jesus centered. When Justin and I were in premarital counseling, we found that there was such an emphasis on the “three strand chord” of marriage and this has continued to be so important. I truly know that without a shadow of a doubt, if Justin did not choose to follow God wholly and I did not choose to follow Justin, our marriage would be in shambles.

What is the hardest thing about being married?

The hardest thing about marriage is truly being selfless. I never understood the concept of “unconditional love” until marriage. You know, we hear about it in church, in school, growing up, etc. but a lot of people don’t really LEARN selflessness. In order to truly love someone, you have to be selfless – it is not about you at all, it is not about them, it is about looking past a person’s good, bad, ugly, indifferent and still making a CHOICE to love them. Marriage forces you to be selfless in this way because you have to make the choice each and every day to put your own feelings aside and think about the greater good of the relationship. For me, that would be the hardest thing about marriage, because I have definitely been a selfish person in my life prior to becoming a wife.

I do also want to share that another thing that can kind of tie into all of these questions in some way is this: “just pick up the socks” – I had heard it before but didn’t really understand it until marriage. I mean it quite literally and figuratively when I say that sometimes, you just have to pick up the socks… this can literally be socks or this could be just doing more than “your share” in the responsibilities or this could be doing something that you asked your husband to do eighteen million times that he quite possibly could have forgotten to do. A lot of unwarranted issues could be completely avoided if you just have the mentality to “just pick up the socks.” And I mean, then again, how hard is that anyway? It saves you a lot of trouble and stress overall. =)